Fucker McFuckFuck

fuck ... my only fucking chance. to fukin get away from it all. to go see the people i needed to see. and to add to that i was going to dance. and what do i do ?? i fukin sleep in. what the fuck. it was really 5:28. i was supposed to call gerald at 5:30. i layed down for a minute. a fukin minute. not thinking i would knock the fuck out the way i did. i have no one else to blame but myself. i missed practice and i hate it. i hate it with the fukin passion. i hav that feeling like i'm not making progress like i'm wasting my time. i missed auditions for So Krispy and Nasty Naughty Boy. i missed spacing for gerald's routine and will most likely not be in the peice anymore. i'm so dissapointed. and now all i hear is the fukin t.v. on some loud ass fob shit. people yelling becus my little sister is crying for the stupidest reasons. what did u fukin do to deserve this. and once again i can't look at anything else but the fact that it is all my fault. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

and now i don't even have the feeling to want to do anything. i just wanna go into my room ....... and sit in there .... and cry and bawl like a fukin girl.

Lifeless Mother Fucker.

everythings been towards a negative pull lately. everything. there are moments when i laff and smile and i feel like all this negativity will just go away, but it hasn't. it seems like im being followed ... being watched or tested. like if i don't do the right thing this entity of some sort will just make it worse. i don't know where my place is in life. im so confused. i've been feeling this for the past few days and didn't know what to do about it. now that i'm at my dad's it's not helping at all. he said some hurtful things. that's something i didn't get from him. i have respect for people. i know other people have feelings and i won't trample all over them like they don't. well now that i'm here i feel .... i feel cut off from my life source. i feel drained. like i can't do anything without feeling right. but i knew it would end up like this anyway.

i can't do this without you guys. kotine, lorena, gerald ... and even my mom.

... it's killing me ...

SORRY BLOGSPOT !!

i just posted up like 3 or 4 blogs of shit i've had on xanga. i usually copy and paste but i've been lazy. a lazy sloth named Edwina.

No Tears For Me.

soooo my step mother called and we talked. i haven't been to my dad's house in about 2 weeks and i'd tell you why but i don't feel like it. all it really is was me and him butting head again and i needed time away from him. but as me and my stepmom werr talking she said stuff like "u know your dad" and "we never kikd you out" ... i know all this already. and if it sounds like my dad is some evil entity he isn't. people have their flaws and a dad is obviously a person. but yah. for some reason wen my step mom said all "i want to know is if your ok ... " and i said " ... but it doesn't sound like you do ... " there was a long silence ... and i couldn't hold myself from crying ... so i did. and i told her i'm coming home tomorow. and hung up. then i wiped my tears and went back to the dance room becus i was at dance practice. and i'm ABSOLUTLY not writing this for any type of sympathy. a place like this is somewhere i can vent and that's what im doing so ya.

i love kotine, lorena, and gerald. and i can't emphasize that any more.

Lions, Tigers, & Bears. I LOVE IT !!

so ... i had one of the most greatest times of my life yesterday. the trip that we went on was one of the most memorable. well to me. i got to spend time with the people i truly love. and even more people too like thien, jonathen, gino, and irwin. no words can describe the amount of joy i felt. but i'll try. the trip started off with being late of course because who is ever ON TIME. not us. but the drive was great. i got time with gerald and thien. and thien is really a nice and fun guy. he has the greatest music sense, maybe becus its pretty much the same as mine. so gerald thien and i would sing out loud with the music as loud as it can be so it can cover up our horrible voices haha. and then we split up so we could pick up some boy. he was just some boy in the beginning but after the whole time we hung out i can say he is definitely a close friend. one that could hooka with me haha. but anyways more on the trip. we went to go eat at a place called Lori's Diner ... and that's it haha nothing special. after this we went to Haight street to go shopping. i wasn't really into shopping at that time. i was more interested in going to the beach. ohh the beach. call me a hippie becus i won't give a shit. but i loved the beach soooo much. n then i noticed how beautiful the earth is when i went to this cave. there lorena gino and i watched this underwater cave thing. i liked it a lot. gino laffs a lot, it makes me happy. haha. but at the beach i was an adventurous fellow and ran up and down the sand playing in the waves and what not. there was a dead seagull ... dead animals scare me. and then thien played with a kelp shit that could function as a whip. hot haha. but after all this we went home. and let me tell you something. lorena told tiger, that's what we called irwin, that i don't liked to be pinched. and this boy is gonna attack me every time i fall asleep. jesus christ he sucks. and lorena helped him at it. bitches. i even called them that and they pinched me harder !! ... WHAT THE FUCK !?!!?! haha jk i aint trippin. but we all resided at jonathen's house. gino had to go home boo. then we all drank and ate taco bell. i don't really wanna elaborate on the whole drinking part. u can probably write the story yourself. ohh i saw jusann !! it was refreshing becus i missed him. like he's just somebody that can make me smile. haha weird but cool. but me and kotine did spoken word. i swear this girl should pursue spoken word in life cus she is a natural. but then that's pretty much it.

good to you of you read all this shit.
i love all you guys and gals. i really do.

Plan San Fran.

so it took us a couple of months to plan something and today is the day. haha. kotine, jonathen, lorena, gerald, gino, and theinda de ropa are going toooooo. the baybay. haha eww. yes we are going to SanFran for a day full of fun-packed adventures. this is the plan but it'll be tweeked as we get there. im sure of it haha.

1. Go to Hayt Street or however u spell that shit and go semi-costume shopping for our Catch-A-Fire performance on September 8th & 9th. *wink wink.

2. Eat at some place by the water so it will definitely consist of someting that dwells in the sea. like ... seal. jk.

3. Walk the streets of San Franscisco out of excitement.

4. Fisnish the day off by going to the beach. preferably half moon bay, or pebble beach. any beach is a o k.

5. Return home in our rented van to our desired locations.

damn im excited. can the day start already !?!?! Geez.

I I I I I I I'm Chillin'

i haven't been catching up with my blogspot. once again haha. all i've been really doing is chillin with kotint loranyt and geraldo. and loving every minute of it. more later not now haha

WHEN GOOD KOTINES GO BAD !!

well it's august. a new month. i have 26 days left until i go back to school. yuck. i didn't sleep again. sleep is for ninnies. haha. but i've been watching this cute show called digimon on youtube. wait ... i watch anime ?? OF COURSE I DO !! not really. just stuff that will keep me occupied and entertained. and digimon is soooo cute. it kept me captivated for 48 episodes. hahahaha i think that's pretty funny. pretty damn funny actually.

ok so let me tell you. a nite ago kotine attacked me. like forreal tho. i aint playin. she ATTACKED me. i guess she had some sort of energy surge and tearing me to shreds was her first primal instinct. im jk it wasn't that bad. but it was a little intense. and i colored my hair again. i bleached it bigger. becus bigger is beautifuler. duh. and since i had blue in my hair it turned out looking like a beach. it was cute but i'm not planning to keep it in any longer. because tonite is a special tonite.

im going camping !! wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. im excited. when gerald gets off his shift in 1 hour and 37 minutes he is going to take me to kotines. there me and her will venture into the depths of her garage in search of a tent. n when gerald gets back from his second shift we mite go shopping for camp supplies ... like beartraps and food. exnay on the eartrapsbay. i don't really know how to speak pig latin. it has the word pig in it. which means i should definitely stray away from the fact that i could speak some sort of pig language. but yah. surprise surprise everybody. im gay. we r gonna go camping in scenic ... kotine's backyard. damn im excited !! no i really am. but we most likely will migrate back to her room once we have to check our myspaces. hahahahaha. im jk. but ya.

frisco trip on sunday. im so excited i wet myself.

A 2 Day Summary.

well .... i just got back from L.A. it was pretty fun. i left at 8:22 in the morning, and i don't know why i remember that but yah. it took me and my mother 5 hours and 30 minutes to get there. we had to go to one of those big ass storage places to retrieve some stuff that we left at our old house over there. wen we opened the little garage looking room thingie it was filled with all of our old ass shit. soooo we just took what we went there for, which was a computer and it's monitor, and some routing thing that will let all of our computers have internet. wooo. from there we went to panda express and ate food. it was good. n then we stopped for gas, and let me tell you, this plce was fucking swarming with bees. and me being highly allergic to them freaked the fuck out. i was wildin' out folks. n then we decided to go home. but we stopped by my sister's at Fresno. i saw my nephew Noah. he was so cute. he called me tio glenn because he's half mexican. we call him NoNo it's so adorable. n then i saw my neice for the first time. she was born premature and had under-developed lungs. her name is Mia and she is soooo pretty. she had a tube that went through her nose and into her stomach. it was her feeding tube and she also had something around her neck that would help her breath. since her lungs wouldn't work properly when she would cry it looked like she was but someone pressed the mute button. you couldn't hear her. i had to stop myself from breaking down because she would make these congested gasping noises and it would scare me like no other. but to everyone it was routine. i really hope the best for her in all ways possible. i love her. and it was really good seeing my sister again. i felt refreshed. n after all this we drove home. i spent my whole day driving there and back ... but it was worth it. n ohh yah i slept the whole way there and back. but i woke up for like n hour or two and talked to my mom about life and all it's wonders ... and then i fell back asleep.

well i have practice today, and it's at ... you guessed it. Sierra2. uuuuugggghhh.

ohh yah theres something else i did but forgot.

me n gerald werr extremely bored so we went to that shopping place over by target and we just walked around aimlessly. we had no reason to be there except for to beat our boredom. n then we went to blockbuster and rented 23. n then we hung out with Vivian and Sam. we went to the park around night time and i enjoyed it very much. after that we went to Starbucks where we ran into some familiar gay boys. i think one of there names was Kevin. and then the other two looked like Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci. they werr not the business. n then the Starbucks people told us it was closing time so we went outside and met up with Royce. it was cool seeing him again i guess. he overdrafted hahaha. o well. and theeeeeeen we went toooo Joey's because Dashi was there. awww i missed him so much. so we watched 23 over there and had a grand ol' time.

my mom wants me to go home tomorow to settle things with my father. whatever. i guess.

i'm all alone. wait ... who's here ??

ok well i'm home alone rite now but i wish i was at kotine's. haha.

my mother and my step-father are at a class rite now becus their teaching some business shit. and gerald was an 8 hour shift today from 7 to 3.

u knooooow what that meaaaans. haha. im jk. i dont even know what it means. ... sleep ??

but anywayz im incredibely sore. i spelled that wrong but i don't care. practice and just plain old strenuous activites have taken it's toll on me. especially on my knees and my umm it's like the ball joint thing on your knee. their probably the same things ... o well.

but i was surfing the internet and i came across an old friend. i really miss him. and it's sad because it seems like we haven't talked in ages ... and it could be because he's friends with my brother's ex. i mean we did not mean to put him in a situation to pick between people. but i guess that's what he saw it as. he could've been friends with all of us. but hey things happen. i just really miss him. and not in that way either if your thinking it. he was really a great person and i find it hard to realize that this person's is practically non-existent in my life.

wait. wth. someones home. boooo.

Goodbye Jeriah. Hello Blogging.

today was jeriah's goodbye party. he's leaving around August 22nd ?? im not sure. but ya. he's going to south carolina. woo. the bootslinger state. just kidding. i don't know what i'm saying. but it was chill. aww jeriah. im gonna miss ou blood. we shall hang out once more before you leave yes ?? ad play strip tennis. ohh yaaah. sexy.

after that we went to starbucks to meet up with darren and leanne. an then marina came too. she said she met me already. i remember her face but now i remember the name that goes with it. wooo. it was fun since darren's ass was there. he's funny. likea giraffe. haha.

n then we returned to jeriah's to drop off darren and marina n we just said our hello's and goodbye's again. n then leanne came with us to kotines. we stopped at blockbusters so anthony could meet up with us because he was finsished coaching the volleyball team at laguna. n then we went to kooootines.

then we all hung out and it was lovely !! i love hanging out with leanne and anthony. and with kotine and gerald there, it was theeeee beeeest. haha. now werr having a life conference in kotines room. their both talking and im blogging and listening at the same time. multi-tasking to the max.

Big, Blonde, & Beautiful.

welcome to the 60's !! where am i ?? you guessed it. kotine's house. gerald got his hair bleached again and its rockin out loud. probably as loud as kotine does on guitar hero. im trying to straighten my hair on a daily basis now so it can get used to it and stay like that. im kind of like training my hair ... if that's possible. but ya im lovin' life to the fullest man. i went to hooter's today. it was probably the straightest highlight of my summer. well actually .. idk. nvm.im confusing myself again. john travolta's singing seems to know how to put an automatic smile on my face. im starting to get tired around this time again, my normal sleeping ways are back and ready for some lovin. me n gerald had to show his choreography to isela nd elijah and their dog rasta. yuummm. well gerald did. i tried but it was a faaailuuure. ummm that's about it.

my dad called and said if i like staying here over at gerald's so much maybe i should just pack up all of my clothes and move over here. well maybe i should nigga so that you won't have anybody living in your house anymore. just wait until you drive out tita's revenge and gelyn. cus gelyn is sure as hell NOT gonna live with your ass. then you'll live with yourself and the moomoo is gonna get you. bitch please.

now i've tasted chocolate and i'm never going back. suck on that !!

NON-AMERICAN CARTOONS !!

OH OH OH WOKE UP TODAY !! haha i swear. Hairspray will take over your life if you watch it.but enuff about that. soooo yesterday was ok i guess. nothing really special. i pretty much woke up at 6:30 n i had practice at 7:30. sooo haha practice was a drag. the whole ordeal with gerald was stupid. we will find out who was the mole ... and we will kill you. jk haha no im not. but i'm starting to get tired of caf and i'm sure some other people too. but i'll stick it out with em'. after this me n gerald went to kotine's casa. there we re-did all our hair. kotine is probably sometime later today n we tried to watch stick it but it was a no-go. then we listened to the Hairspray soundtrack and had a ball. i pulled an all nighter again. random but o well. then kotine knocked out. following her was gerald. and i was left alone around the time of 3:45. so i just stayed up watching non-american cartoons on some website. i was disgusted at myself but hey. well kotine and i hav to get co phi and baowser ready to go to school. im gonna walk with kotine to get them to school. woooo !! rock on.

OHH SHIT !! it's 6:50. time to wake up !!

im as shallow as a ... puddle ?? idk.

keero keero keero.

anywayz. today was aok. :] we went to the norcal assembly and let's just say it was ... entertaining/fun/yummy. it was cool i enjoyed it. n then after all of that me gerald kotine n marvin went to the GreatMall to find some cute shoes but we ended up not finding it. for some reason i had a down feeling. i wish i could explain y but i dont know how. i confuse myself sometimes and i dont like it. anywhoo. we all got split up after the mall n now we are home. im listening to the Hairspray soundtrack, still getting hyper and full of happiness when i listen to it. i have the hots for .... nikki bloonsky ... i guess :].

im shallow and dissapointed in myself.

River Rafting & Hairspray.

ok so my day today consisted of two MAJOR events on my life.

1. YFC River Rafting

2. Hairspray

well our day started of, with no sleep, going to kevin discipulo's house. (sorry if u butchered your name) we had to meet up at his house at the time of 8:00. me and kotine promptly arrived at 8:00 with the giggles. we didn't really see anybody until we got inside, then we saw everyone in this one room. anywhoo after exchanging our "hellos" we all scrambled to find a car to carpool in. it was a large filipino mess. haha. it consisted of confusion, irritation, and a language other then english. but after all this some of us stopped by Sport's Authority and kotine bought me some wet socks. those bitches come in handy when you do something like river raft, i swear. it was a grand ol' time i guess. theres a lot more to it but you had to be there to really experience it. but it was really good to see old faces and meet some new ones. like i met this one guy named jeff. he was cool. kotine, jeff, and i talked a good amount of the picnic time away. we were just chattin' it up.

neeeeeext was the viewing of Hairspray. even though the plot seemed unrealistic, and John Travolta's "hard to take seriously" character was ... hard to take seriously. i FUCKIN LOVED this movie. and that's alot for me to say. like .... theres no words man. loved the message. loved the singing. i just ... LOVED IT !! hahahaha. i laff.

i feel like a 1970's pin-up girl.

so it is about 6:50 something and i have not even slept one wink. i pulled an all nighter again haha but with the accompanyment of a lady named kotine. our night was too fun and filled with adventure to sleep. haha. first off. we all just hanged out n chilled until kotine wanted to color her hair black. so i helped her with it and it was exciting. n then gerald felt that he wanted to color his hair black too. his hair is already black, actually a daaaaaaaaaaark brown, but it got even blacker. like a jet black. me on the other hand, i got my old doo but less extreme. but it will be extreme later. :]. i would say that all of our hair came out just fine. kotine didnt think hers was nice but with a little bit of time and a little bit of getting used too, she began to like it too. after all this business, kotine wanted to do me some make-up. n who am i to say no ehh. so she just dolled me up. i look like a 1970's pin-up girl and im loving every waking second of it. my stomach is having severe emptyness pain shit going on. ... sorry but im gonna try and handle it. n this is practically all there really is too it.

FIESTA !! FIESTA !! ESTRELLA !! ESTRELLA !! LAAAA PIRAMIDE !!

I LIKED PRACTICE TODAY !! kinda.

so i went to my dad's house for 1 day. and that was it. hahaha.
it was refreshing n all but i really think i prefer hanging with the others.
such as gerald, kotine, n my mothers. and lorena as soon as she comes back. ya ??

today we had practice. i enjoyed it this time !! kinda haha. i liked the presence of both gerald and kotine there.

n then we went to kotines house and i bleached my hair. kind of like the old way but not as extreme.
ohh but it will be in a day or two. or in wenever its ok. :]

so now we r just chillin at kotines and we mite go visit leanne and anthony for a bit at their shindig. and we also have to give them our long-overdue baby shower gifts ;].

peace out.

i can't forget to write on here !!

ok sooo many things have happend. not really. but i think it is. and i havent updated here in a while sooo im gonna start. here we go.
so for the past 2 or 3 days ive been hanging out with the loves of my life and then some haha. ive been with kotine, lorena, and gerald. and then other people too such as jonathen and thienda de ropa. but anyhow lets take this by little incraments.
first off there was mim's birthday dinner at chillis and i would sya it was grand. i had the buffalo chicken salad. and when i ordered it the man said ... "do u know that's a salad??" bitch of course i know. its under the word salad. what did he expect me to order a rack of ribs?? ... kotine did though haha. i loved it. me gerald kotine and leah enjoyed our dinners. haha.anywhoo. i met new people like umm ... i think his name was timmy. he was nice. n then i met adam. he's nice too. :]
n then after this we went to jamba juice and i got a free smoothie because i got the question of the day rite. haha CINAMMON !! n then the person was like did u ask gerald. his name was shenon which reminds me of shesus which is a record thingie kotine got. very random but anywayz. after all this hooplah we went toooooooo
WALGREENS !! haha so gerald could get some chapstick or something. but we leave the store with a stencil kit, ready to make some cute arts crafts. gerald made something cute for thien and kotine made something super cute for jonathen. me, having no one special in my life to make it for was instructed by kotine to make one with her. ohh yah because she is someone special in my life haha. so i was making mine and the pink pen exploded all over it. .... so i improvised and made it look modern. maybe not cute ... but modern. im not done with it but i left it at kotines. haha i'm sure i'll be back there sooner or later.
i hurt my left big toe. it hurts like a bitch. so i try to ignore it like nothings wrong and then the pain goes away slightly.
and now tonite i don't think i have anything planned. i'll c whats up.
i mite have forgotten something but thats what i get when i don't blog when i should. haha shit.

my hair was cut off but so were the memories. it was on accident of course. :]

i just ate a tuna sandwich. it was yummy. ive been listening to that one delilah song very very much. i think its such a calming mellow chill out song. it puts me in a state of ... idk nirvana?? hahaha i really dont know what i just said but anyways. im really ready for tonite. with the combination of brownies movies girlfriends new faces and hair color theres no way our nite will be lackluster. OMG !! I GOT A HAIRCUT !! haha and this is such a big deal. not becus its cute, well maybe a little, but it was been about 1 year 1 month and hmmm about 11 days since i got a haircut at a hair salon. ever since the end of freshmen year last year ive been doing nothing to my hair but shave it. *sigh what a release. i felt like i was cutting all of my memories away. and an asian lady cut my hair. and i went to supercuts and out of all the ethnicities i had to get the foreign one huh ?? im being tested. i mean i could of at least got this one lesbian looking asian lady who looked hella artistic but i got the one that just got here from her 3rd world country. but yah. i got a #3 on the sides and on the top i wanted it as short as it could possibly be but would still be abled to be styled to my liking. yaaaaaaaah. this is alot of typing.
this is to you my friend.

reunited and it feel so good.

after a devastating 7 whole days. the souls of kotine and myself were reunited. haha. that was probably the longest period of time i havent seen her this whole summer. it was refreshing. and then we had a dance practice for catch-a-fire, the dance group i am in, at the place where eveyone dreads to go. the Sierra2 center downtown on Broadway and 24th. haha but it was all good. i think im going river rafting this saturday with yfc. and then the norcal assembly in milpitas in sunday. ima be all up in jesus this week. well thats about it. i'll fill you in on more stuff on my life if anything else exciting happens that is worth my time blogging about.

word to your mother.

the details.

ok well the party was just ... fantastic. aaabsolutely. haha. but ya. me katerina n austin r just chillin now watching the discovery channel. surivorman yo. i'd emphasize more on the details and all but its really hot in this upstairs computer room, and my brain feels frazzled. so ya. i had fun today. and that it. :]

sorry for not alot of details.

la familia.

im celebrating my grandmothers 80th birthday.

details at 9 ... or wenever.

2days my g-ma's bday.

i dont know y i had the urge to spell it like that ... we all ... have the urge ... anywayz. ya shes turning 80 and my cousins from seattle came over to celebrate it. yipee. and she's having a surprise party !! wooooo !! i just hope that when we surprise her she won't go into anaphylactic shock and suffer from heart palpatations. knock on wood, and i'll tell you about it later. my lip gloss is not poppin' becus its all melted ... i guess it couldnt stand how hot i was. ehh ?? ehh ?? haha. i like rasberry iced tea. LOL o gosh.

wanna carve a pumpkin with me ?
i have the Pumpkin Masters Carving Kit & Pattern Book.

something had come across my mind at 4:02 in the morning.

so when all of us were hanging out, i decided to walk out for a moment. and someone said that, "we need to find glenn someone because he's really nice." i guess being nice is all i have to lay against to when it comes to finding someone. haha aww shit. thanks for the help and all but moments like that show me how much i want to take the time to find that one special person. and other peoples input into it make me want to find the right one the first time i choose. just so that i will have that, "freshness" and that i wont have anyone to compare that one too. and i am willing to take as long as it takes to find the, "right one." ... no matter how long it takes.

have sex with me? haha. idk.

here we go.

so i was hanging out with my good friend lorena one day. and i was one the website known as xanga. but she said it was dead and for me to make one of these ... so i did. she said she heard this business from one of her frends and i heard it from her !! isn't that shvweet !?! but yah we all hung out today and it was pretty, "flirtatious" as lorena would say it. haha. thats my first blog. enjoy. and suck on that.